I am being so much confronted about how money influences my life. I want to share this as their is so much taboe around it for me as
well. I guess I wanted to be abundant for the outside world, but so far it is not this physical reality. I am facing this big lack and fear already my whole life, intensifying it since 2 years
when I left my job and the last 3 months even more by jumping big time, to discover and heal the wounded parts around my theme of lack of money.
I mostly am open and transparent about my journeys, but this one was not 'spiritual' enough so I avoided writing about it so far. The truth is, lacking the money is exactly why I am holding back to live my full potential. I think this counts for many people around the world as we all live in this big transition, we feel the new and still we are stuck in the old.
Here an open, elaborate and transparent sharing with money as a BIG teacher in my life.
For many years of my life, money was something I rejected and as we attract what we radiate I was always lacking and worried about it. In a later stage of my life I started to understand that money IS part of this life and to attract it in a healthy way, it should be embraced and loved. In that moment, I also got to understand HOW (which vibration is dominant) you earn your money is HOW you will spend it. Do you earn it with much joy, you don't experience the need to spend it to unnessecary things as the joy is already fullfilling.
How to do that? By raising my vibration around money! Easy said...but what a journey.
I had many limited and destructive beliefs around money and a lot of worry as well. I really started to face this theme when I decided 2 years ago to let go of my job. And by facing it, I mean FACING it! I went deep down into emotional stress. Daily I did my exercises to raise my vibration, but their was not much needed or I would drop back into lack and stress.
Money had such a negative influence on my mood and my whole day. I wanted to share my work and bring people in connection with their Higher Self and their potential. I was able to do it but only up to a certain level. Although I was an amazing manifestor on many levels, money was lacking big time.
The lack of money was holding me back to freely and abundantly flow and share my potential. I was surviving, more and more...starting with selling clothes, necklaces on the street, working in communities for food and accomodation. All true valuable experiences and each and everyone gave me sooooo much, BUT there was also the immense stress which was present EVERY single day while I 'worked' very hard for change but the opposite happened. The lack of money started growing, I felt the urge to discover a miracle and started desperately to look for THE solution. Around me I saw people blossoming by making money from their passion more and more. I worked immensely hard on myself and I suffered more and more! Where is this heading to? I was getting very tired, frustrated and slightly depressed.
When is it my time to become wealthy? As I never give up, a new plan arised. I was giving my last money to facebook marketing, to promote my groups and when I do well, I have money to go to Bali. But my groups were empty and my ticket and a retreat was already booked.
I was going to Bali that was for sure, nothing could hold me back. I knew Bali would give some BIG change to my life. I felt it in every cell of my body.
But the fact was I needed to borrow money for my 3 months trip. After a long time hesitating I asked my parents, but they said NO. They had their reasons which I respected and at the same as a child I felt very unseen and rejected. After digesting this loss, I noticed that a neutral company would be much better otherwise I would still be stuck in the moneymatrix of my family and stuck in my childrole. Both were not suiting me in becoming abundant. After this insight I thanked my parents and I told them that I got to understand that it is better that I find my own way to abundance.
I felt it with so much confidence, it was my Higher Self which spoke. That part where I always listen too how unlogical the next step might feel, often it was not understood by neither myself (my personality) nor my surroundings, but I learned to trust and to listen to this voice. It is bright, clear and it gives always a good feeling, although the teachings itself are not always pleasant, it brings exactly that what I need for my next step in my life's journey.
I found my way to travel, it was with my creditcard. I never used it before but when I found out how it worked it was for me perfect. The coming 3 months I needed for my own inner journey. For the first time in 2 years I took a little break from surviving and finding ways to give groups and sessions. Instead I went on my inner journey focusing on the lack and transforming it into abundance. Off I went on my journey to Bali, India and back to Bali again.
In India I visited a nadileafreader (palmleaves which were written 3000 years ago by the Rishis (seers)). The Master started looking for my leaf and started reading: 'Your name is Kim, your fathers name is Karel and your mothers name is Marianne' (with a good pronunciation). Also my brother and sister were on the leaf. Wow! Already stunning as he knew nothing about me, only my spiritual name and my birthdate. He kept going by mentioning things about my life: 'you don't have proper job, you don't have house, you travel to different places' ofcourse a part of me laughed, but seriously this was amazing. He went on 'you were in Bali, you don't have plan, you have no idea where you are going' 'relationships difficult for you' 'money comes, money goes, you cannot keep the money' 'you are very specialist in your work, very spiritual, but nobody comes because you don't have confidence'
Oeffff, yes, that is the reality I live in. The next leaf he was reading was about solving the karma around this issues. I only could say YES YES YES, this is where I have been waiting for my whole life and I listened carefully.
My past life, where I made some mistakes, I lived in Bali (there you go!). I had to do a pilgrimage starting in India and finishing in Bali. Visiting different temples, bringing offers and praying with the people.
2 weeks ago I finished feeling abundant and ready to step into the new after giving away nearly all my money (credit) and clothes. That same evening when I came back I was invited for a lecture about abundance. I had no clue where I was going to, but I was happy to see my friend and I was in for some abundance energy. Ofcourse it was about money, what else?
Money has such a huge impact on all of our lifes. Most of us are still stuck in the old moneysystems. We love to move into the new paradigm but we are still prisoners of old systems as how I feel it.
This evening changed my vision on money and the shortcomings of the old moneysystem. What if we all have the chance to become wealthy, not rich, but wealthy. Wouldn't that give an IMMENSE shift in peoples lives and their world around? Moving from survivalmode into a space where there is convenience, relaxation and compassion. From there we finally can start to live our potential and really start serving the world, where money is just energy, where we can blossom into the full radiant lightbeings we truly are and...where we are doing it together as there is no fear around lack.
I believe again and I feel the immense shift inside of me who already lives in this new paradigm AND...at the same time there is this physical reality, where I am skipping meals every day as I cannot effort more. Floating in between 2 different worlds. Where is this heading to?...the only thing I can do is be humble to life, meditate and trust the new...still on my journey...building the new...moving into ABUNDANCE...
To be continued 🙏🏼
❤