Heaven

Heaven, you were in my life for less than 2 hours and it will always be remembered.

Nirmal and me came back from a meditation moment and swim at the waterfall nearby Ubud. Still a bit floating in the other dimension we arrived at our scooter and...there...we met you. You were crawling around, flies were all over you and you were obviously very bothered by it. You were moving around to get rid of the flies untill your eye catched us. You started to crawl towards us and reaching out for our help by making loud noises, almost panic like. You were obviously screaming for our help! 

I looked at you. Your small tiny body. You were only a few weeks old, totally dependent and yet so strong.

You touched my heart and my heart started to cry. I felt helpless and didn't know what to do. You were sooooo small. Flies were all over you and literally eating you. You screamed and started screaming even louder as you wanted to say: 'don't leave me.'

We couldn't leave you behind and we decided to bring you to Ubud. We had a cotton bag, we put some leaves in it and you on top. Off we went...holding you in my hand on the motorbike. I figured, the wind must feel good for you, for a moment there were no flies. 

On our way, we met a friend along the way. We were all on our way for some dancing, but first things first. He knew a veterinarian and off we went 'see you later on the dancefloor'. 

I had a quick look at you and you seemed more relaxed. As small as you were, you totally surrendered to your new situation, curled up in your cotton bag, swinged by the wind on the motorbike, you felt safe for a moment and relaxed.

Arriving at the veterinarian we had to fill out a form. First my name, address, etc. 'Is this really nessecary?' We asked. They responded 'yes' and I moved on. 

Name of the animal: I looked at Nirmal and I said: 'Heaven?', 'Yes,' he replied. 

Giving you a name, brought such an energetic change in my system, in that very moment we bonded and you became my kitten.

The vet came and called out: 'Heaven' and we took you inside.

Out on the table we saw your beautiful blue eyes, your strength and power, but also your tiny body which was full of wounds filled with worms. The vet was a young lady with an amazing heart for animals. She was stroking you and really making an effort to make you feel comfortable. 

We put you on a scale, your weight was 300 grams and to our surprise you were a male. We gave you some food and you even ate a little, but the check up showed us even more wounds than we expected.

The moment came that we had to decide, to decide over your life. Do we GIVE you life or TAKE your life?

Tears came to me, I was breathing deeply in and out. Could we clean your wounds and bring you back in a healthy state?

For me the answer was clear, I wanted to undo you from the suffering, but Nirmal had other thoughts about it so I started to reconsider my feelings. What does that say about me? Do I have the right to just take your life?

I felt the pain in my heart, my eyes started to swollow and tears came out. I felt so much compassion for you, all the animals I had to let go of and all the animals around. The only thing I could think of is to set you free. I don't know if it was the best thing, but I decided...to let you go and...set you free. Nirmal silently agreed and started singing a mantra while you went to heaven.

Heaven, fly high, sweet one 💜💜💜

I will always remember you as my little kitten.